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PUNctuation!

A friend of mine posted that cute, harmless and adorable pun meme on Facebook. I promise, I do like you guys and I’m not a sadistic person. But I think someone can keep this going if he’s a big doofus who wants it badly enough…

What’s the difference between an exclamation point and an impatient customer? One is a line at the end of a shout, and the other shouts at the end of a line.

What’s the difference between a period and an T? One is a point at the end of a letter, and the other is a letter at the end of “Appoint.”

Hold on to your hats. It gets worse.

What’s the difference between quotation marks and engagement rings? The first are a pair around an announcement, and the other are an announcement around a pair.

I mean, you’re tough, right? I feel like you can handle this.

What’s the difference between a question mark and a visit to the chiropractor? One is a twist after an inquiry, the other is an inquiry after a twist.

Hang in there.

What is the difference between a semicolon and a pair of scissors? One separates two things that are the same. And the other is two things that are same, that separate.

You’ve been very good. Just one more.

What’s the difference between a hyphen and Lewis and Clark? One divides a name, and the other names a divide.

I lied. I was trying to help. I’m not even halfway through.

What’s the difference between an asterisk and a stoolie? One leads you to more information, and the other gives information on more leads.

Is a dollar sign all that distinguishable from a spy on horseback? One appears before an amount, and the other mounts before a peer.

I promise that’s the worst one. Or is it…?

What’s the difference between a percent sign and crossed eyes? One is a line between two circles, and the other is two circles that won’t align.

An ampersand and a toddler with a crayon? One is a squiggle that puts things together, and the other puts together a squiggle.

That one’s kinda sweet, right? Aww.

What’s the difference between an equal sign and tracks that are too high up? One is of parallel lines, and the other is lines of el peril.

Yeah, don’t get lulled in by the cute ones.

What’s the difference between a caret and a carrot? One has more stuff above the fluff, and the other has more fluff above the stuff.

What is the difference between an ellipses and Parker, Hamill and Toto’s master? One is three dots in a row, and the other is a row of three Dots.

At this point, you might be thinking, “I need to rethink my friendships.”

What’s the difference between parentheses and roast potatoes? One circles an aside. And the other is a side of circles.

“STOP IT, AL! THIS ISN’T COOL!”

What is the difference between an apostrophe and the guy who caught Capone? One is a symbol before an S. The other is a Ness who is a symbol.

What’s the difference between a bracket and Captain Ahab? One is rectangular, the other is a wrecked angler.

“NOW HOLD ON—”

What’s the difference between a long dash and the great Pun God above? One is what I just used, and the other is what just used me.

What’s the difference between an underscore and a guy who got his poor ass in trouble? One is a line on the bottom, the other is a bottom on the line.

“STOP! GO AWAY! EVIL MAN!”

What’s the difference between a slash and you? One is an incline that joins. The other is inclined to join me.

You know you are.

What’s the difference between an At Sign and a Canuck with no where to run? One is an “A” surrounded. And the other is surrounded, eh?

“I don’t want to join you. You need to stop this.”

What is the difference between a “Greater/Less Than” sign and a double feature? One shows two totals, and the other totals two shows.

“What did I ever do to you? I have a family!”

What is the difference between a colon and a colon? One is before what goes in next, the other is next for what went in before.

“That’s too weird, man. You’re weird. You need help.”

What about the plus sign? How is it different from a missionary? One is a cross for adding, the other is adding a cross.

Or the minus sign? It’s kinda like the tortoise and the hair! One is a dash for a difference, and the other is a difference for a dash.

“I’m not coming to your poetry feature. You lost that. You’re a dark, disturbed human being.”

Pound sign vs. why you shouldn’t run around barefoot? One looks like tic tac toe. And the other looks like toe tack tick.

“I hope your feet fall off.”

What are those squiggly brackets called? Who the hell cares? What’s the difference between them and a 3D printer? The first makes many items one, and the second makes one many times.

Okay, I guess I didn’t have to do my whole keyboard. You lucked out, because I don’t know what the hell that stuff on the upper left is. Congratulations. You made it to the end. Don’t forget to fight the crap and see the beauty.

Your pal,
Al

Spicy

My dear friend Sam Jaffe, the director of The Caterpillar Lab, told me that my caterpillar poems have many obscure words and may be hard to follow. So I took this one in a very different direction. Osmeterium = a mimicry of snake’s tongue. Frass = caterpillar poop. Other than that you should fine.

Digut Duck

Here’s a relic from a magical time when I was much shorter but my name was much longer. I’m wondering if “Digut” is a misspelling of “Digit,” making it a joke on the digital look of the strip. Could be. I bet I could joke better than I could spell.